wrigley field is MILF paradise
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
