so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
