you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
