Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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