First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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