dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude i'm inner monologue high
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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