I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
