You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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