My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
