she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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