so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
cat food counts as protein by the way
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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