as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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