Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
