addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
