mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
