I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
