i need an iv and a liver transplant
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
