garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
