a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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