You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think I sprained my soul last night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
