just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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