toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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