I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize