You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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