I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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