I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i already hear my dad disowning me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
