did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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