i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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