These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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