My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
