What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
