I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
