i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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