As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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