im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She even gives head with a lisp.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
