Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
