Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
