WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have demons in me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
