Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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