i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
