WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
