Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
