just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
