i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize