I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
as a side note pls kill me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
