Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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