I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
