I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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