Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
