Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
