i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
