WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
