she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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