If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
