dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
