How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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