Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
