Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
