no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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