Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
