if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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