He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
