I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
