wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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