So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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