my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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