he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
