The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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