you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
