Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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