Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
