I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize