3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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