i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
as a side note pls kill me
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