I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
