TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize