i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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