i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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