At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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