sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
