i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What a dumb baby whore.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
