He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
