I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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