ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
