A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
