That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize